Apprendre à changer notre regard
Cette récente période de déconfinement est l’occasion d’un changement : un vent de liberté retrouvée souffle partout en France, les terrasses se remplissent, le business réapparaît, on reprend goût à la vie, on veut y croire… Notre regard change parce que la situation change et devient plus favorable. Même les médias semblent moins catastrophistes. Notre regard est-il seulement lié à ce qu’il observe ? Et s’il avait, lui aussi, le pouvoir de changer le monde ?
Le monde influence-t-il notre regard ou est-ce l’inverse ?
« Changer leur regard – Changer notre regard » : telle est la mission que se donne l’association Wake Up Café auprès de personnes sortant de prison. Comme j’y anime depuis trois ans des cafés philo, je mesure pleinement la qualité de ce conseil : changer son regard sur l’autre, refuser de le juger trop vite, l’aborder avec un regard neuf, ne libère pas seulement une qualité de relation humaine, mais peut changer également la personne elle-même. C’est cette idée que je voudrais explorer ici : elle présente un enjeu humain qui n’est pas seulement de l’ordre de la relation d’aide. Dans nos activités professionnelles, nous savons bien que le regard que nous portons sur nos clients, sur nos collègues ou même sur nos tâches quotidiennes, le sens que nous leur donnons, tout cela influe sur notre humeur, notre vie, en bien ou en mal.
Du service au regard
Je remarque que l’étymologie indo-européenne *swer a donné d’une part servir (par le latin servus) et d’autre part garder (par le germanique war). Le sens premier de *swer est « faire attention ». Alain Rey nous apprend que garder avait déjà le sens d’« avoir l’œil sur, regarder », « le préfixe re indiquant à la fois le mouvement en arrière et la réitération ». Re-garder, c’est re-diriger sa vue sur quelqu’un ou quelque chose. L’objet regardé est donc déjà connu, il ne sollicite pas notre attention pour la première fois, nous dirigeons nos yeux vers lui pour l’observer à nouveau.
Il y a regard et regard
Tout le monde n’est pas comme le contemplatif qui regarde son objet pour ce qu’il est : le regard du scientifique est aimanté par la connaissance vraie, celui du chercheur par la découverte, celui de l’entrepreneur par la réussite, chacun de nous porte un regard sur le monde animé par un désir différent. Sans parler des émotions qui influencent notre regard, le plus souvent à notre insu. Les peurs, surtout, orientent notre regard sur les risques à éviter, elles privilégient dans notre regard les dangers à écarter, les sécurités à construire, les personnes dont il faut se méfier…
Libérer son regard sur l’autre
Le regard n’est pas exempt d’habitudes, bonnes ou mauvaises, conscientes ou non. Libérer son regard c’est accepter de recommencer, de regarder comme si c’était la première fois, mais c’est aussi projeter autre chose que de l’indifférence ou de l’inquiétude : discerner activement ce qui est positif chez l’autre et le reconnaître. Ce n’est qu’un début qu’il faudra confirmer en réciprocité : en modifiant notre propre regard, en exprimant l’accueil plutôt que le retrait, quelque chose change en nous mais aussi en celui qui est regardé. Il suffit souvent de le décider pour en goûter les premiers fruits.
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